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Robber Rabbit : The Scaryduck Brain Dump

Monday, August 09, 2004


That Kirstie Allsopp came up to me in the street the other day. All furtive like, make-up smeared across her face like it was applied by a bricklayer, Aquascutum twin-set dragged through a hedge backwards. A nervous glance to check we weren't being watched and she let me have it.

"House, Sir?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Lookin' for business love? Semi-detatched? Nice maisonette? Very classy. I'm not an estate agent, you know."

It was all I could do to bring myself to reply: "You filthy slattern."

"Nice four bedroom fixer-upper, plenty up top if you know what I mean," the trollop continued.

"Get away from me, you disgusting tart," I gasped, the anger boiling inside me.

"Much sought-after location..."

"Piss off!"

"Oh," she said, crestfallen. I don't suppose a quick shag's out of the question then?"

Sickening, these celebrities. Besides, Sarah Beeny was just down the road, and you should have seen the scaffolding.

posted by Robber Rabbit at 6:11 PM

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