Robber RabbitRobber RabbitRobber Rabbit

Robber Rabbit : The Scaryduck Brain Dump

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Suddenly - HATS!

Excerpt from chapter three of the Scaryduck-penned manuscript "WTF?!"

Toby Young gets paid stupid sums of money supervising a design team on the fledgling Scaryduck Dot Com website, owned by the frightening Margaret Hilda Roberts (no relation). Life is peachy...

We have an official office sport.

It is called "Hats", and involves headwear and the ability to avoid going to the toilet for up to six hours at a time. The latter being a skill developed over years of heavy drinking, which my father assured me would come in useful one way. Dads are always right, and this was no exception.

The rules of the game are simple. At any stage during the working day, a participant is entitled to shout out the words "Suddenly - HATS!" and everybody has to don an item of headgear. The best hat wins a small prize from the Stationery Cupboard of Doom, whilst defaulters or the wearers of rubbish hats have to get the teas in.

For such a simple idea (produced, it must be said, by a simpleton), the game evolved a complex set of rules which have led, on more than one occasion, to the firey destruction of hats deemed "inappropriate" by the keepers of the rulebook.

Productivity is up. God knows how.

I call this activity team-building. Ms Roberts, walking in halfway through a hat alert with a gaggle of investors calls it "this kind of thing must stop IMMEDIATELY before the company is compromised."

She might have a point, though I went to pains to tell her that she doesn't need to join in if she feels uncomfortable about the whole hat thing. In the end, the keepers of the rulebook decided that she could be exempted from any millinary penalties on account of a) her wig being classified as a hat whenever required and b) she can have us all sacked and/or bumped off at a moment's notice.

The playing of Hats is not without its risks. The first hat-burning resulted in a fire alarm and the subsequent evacuation of the building, but gained the lovely Jess a surplus-to-requirements fireman's helmet that gains her extra Hat Points on any given day.

Hats has turned us from a mercenary rabble of layabouts into a lean, mean hat-wearing machine. We go on lunch-break expeditions up to Covent Garden, searching out fresh headgear for the afternoon's madness. It has even got to the point where I have even remembered the names of the people I am supposed to be supervising.

During working hours, no-one dare leave their desk for fear that "Hats!" is called while they are away, and I have begun to suspect that some of my collleagues may be wearing incontinence pants under their clothing.

posted by Robber Rabbit at 8:55 PM

Comments: Post a Comment


November 2003   December 2003   January 2004   February 2004   March 2004   April 2004   May 2004   June 2004   July 2004   August 2004   September 2004   October 2004   November 2004   December 2004   January 2005   February 2005   March 2005   April 2005   May 2005   June 2005   July 2005   August 2005   September 2005   October 2005   November 2005   December 2005   February 2006   March 2006   April 2006   May 2006   June 2006   July 2006   August 2006   September 2006   October 2006   November 2006   January 2007   April 2007   June 2007   July 2007   August 2007   September 2007   October 2007   November 2007   January 2008   March 2008   April 2008   November 2008   January 2009   June 2009   November 2010   July 2012  

Blogger Profile

robberrabbit AT fastmail DOT fm

eXTReMe Tracker

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?