Letters to the Editor
Once again our so-called government has introduced new fines simply as a means of taxing the innocent motorist off the road. I cannot drive the 50 yards to the post office in my Daf Variomatic without coming home to another speeding fine, no doubt going straight into the pockets of single mothers and lesbian Romanian gypsies coming to this country to abuse our children and sponge benefits from us decent patriotic whte people who can trace their ancestry back to the infamous witch-burning terror of 1386.
It is a well-known fact that our masters are spying on us wherever we go, making notes and just waiting for the moment to pounce on us to wring another petty fine from our pockets to pay for enormous marijuana-snorting parties at Downing Street, to which ordinary folk such as myself are never invited. In fact, I never allow my lovely wife Brian to speak when the television or radio receivers are switched on, as it is clear that the presenters can see and hear everything that happens in our house. As such, our gimp suits are securely locked away at these times.
The perfidious nature of spy cameras in our society is an affront to any law-abiding citizen. The police state's attempts to employ so-called video evidence to prosecute me for my totally justifible clubbing to death of a shop owner for refusing to correct the sign reading "Eat's and Drink's" over his door is a purely malicious one to silence the one sane voice in an increasingly ignorant and uncaring world. Is David Blunkett blind to the fact that where his so-called police forces fail, it is down to people like me to wield the baseball bat of truth to defend our hard fought values and traditions?
I am not mad.
Lt Col Winston St John Cholmondeley-Cholmondeley Patel (Mrs)