Pope's health takes turn for worse

Senior Vatican officials are dismayed at the deterioration in the health of Pope John Paul II over recent days. After his steady recovery from an infection that saw the Pontiff confined to a hospital in Rome, bishops have been puzzled by the Holy Father's recent diagnosis of Tourette's Syndrome.

In his unexpected blessing to the waiting masses on Sunday, His Holiness was clearly heard to address the crowds with the words "A blessed Sabbath CUNT to you all FUCKERFUCKERFUCKER", whilst winking madly at a passing nun.

This latest development is bound to increase anxiety at the Holy See, after recent attempts to cover up the Pope's various illnesses have been met with varying degrees of success.

As one Vatican insider put it: "Just when we'd got away with buying the old fella a tambourine to hide the Parkinson's, this happens. It looks like we're going to have to rewrite the prayer books now. Easter's going to be a fucking nightmare, if you'll pardon my Polish."

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