The Duckworth-Lewis method explained, part the second
Thank you for your support, I shall wear it always. Also: thank you for your suggestions for the complete listing of the patented Duckworth-Lewis generic rating system for everything in the whole world. The full list (subject to change on a whim) is as follows:
0. Abi Titmuss
1. Ann Widdecombe giving you the eye
2. Margaret Thatcher leather whip “happy finish” massage
3. Clare Short on page three of the Sun
4. A smiling Margaret Beckett holding a pack of three
5. Ruth Kelly with a strap-on, and a terrible privately-educated gleam in her eye
6. The Princess Anne unnamed many-tentacled woe
7. An unshaven Tracey Emin asking for your help with her next 'art' piece.
8. Lorraine Kelly taking advantage of Eamonn Holmes' morning glory
9. Cherie Blair strap-on action
10. Locked in a cupboard, on a cruise ship, with Monica Lewinski and a large box of battery-operated cigars
11. Carol Vorderman rubbing up against a bollard for cold, hard cash
12. Emma Thomspon on a street corner asking for "business"
13. Katy Hill and Janet Ellis eating a banana suggestively
14. Elizabeth Sladen walking K9 in a naturist camp.
15. Alison Goldfrapp straddling her mellotron
16. Konnie Huq in a bath of beans, whilst that other Blue Peter presenter, you know, the one in the lezzers scrubs her back with a french stick
17. Kate Humble in a wet T-shirt competition
18. Felicity Kendall wrapped in clingfilm, with Penelope Keith talking dirty in the background
19. Kate Winslet keeping her clothes on, mostly
20. Sarah Beeny wrestling Kirstie Allsopp in a paddling pool filled with baby oil
5. Kelly Holmes doing a Paula Radcliffe on a German scheisseporn website. Eye contact maintained throughout.