Birthday

Another b3ta Question of the Week tale that I've already told elsewhere in the Archives of Scaryduckdom, that deserves retelling

Unlucky for some...My thirteenth birthday.

We went to see Diamonds are Forever at the cinema. My older sister was so impressed by the way James Bond despatched the gay assassins in the final reel, she tried out the same "hands-yanked-under-the-crotch" move on me. Oh how it worked. Over I went, head first, rendering me concussed and vomiting on the pavement.

When we finally arrived home via the doctor's surgery, we found the woman next door in hysterics, and her husband dangling on the end of a rope in the garage. His birthday present to me being a blue face, eyes on stalks and a huge, dead trouser bulge.

I never got a present from my grandparents, either - it got blown up by the IRA in a post office bombing in Belfast. Meanwhile, my main present from my parents was - at the time my best mate was heavily into Led Zep - The Muppet Show album.

Ungrateful, moi?

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