Ten - no - Eleven rock-hard facts about our least favourite comedy racists (may contain untruths).
They're the new driving force in British politics! They're the political party of choice of the nation's hordes of mouth-breathing imbeciles easily swayed by empty promises, pictures of Winston Churchill before he became a dog and a hatred of anything remotely foreign they can blame for their own pathetic, empty lives.
But did you know...?
10. The BNP's first act in power would be to force the reds at the Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation to air a 24 hour Jim Davidson channel
9. The BNP's second act in power would be to impose a 1,000,000 per cent tax on all Indian, Chinese, Nepali, Greek, Turkish, French, Italian, Caribbean and anything remotely foreign restaurants. The following BRITISH foods will be exempt from tax: Pie, Lard, McDonalds, Burger King
8. One-eyed Party leader Nick Griffin recently auditioned for Britain's Got Talent with his Ku Klux Kitten juggling act, but was booed off the stage and beaten up in the wings enraged Hairy Angel Of All Our Hearts Susan Boyle
7. Although he now denies it, BNP leader Nick Griffin once went on a booze cruise to France and said he "quite liked it"
6. Songs chosen for Radio 4's Desert Island Discs by Nick Griffin include Harlem Shuffle
, There's No One Quite Like Grandma, and Josef Goebbel's version of White Christmas. In the meantime, Radio 4 listeners have raised the £5,000 necessary to transport the BNP Leader to an actual Desert Island and leave him there
5. Article 34 of the BNP Constitution clearly states: "All buttocks must be oiled and ready for inspection by party officials". When notified of this clause by a national newspaper, the BNP Press Office blamed "a spell-check error in Microsoft Word", despite the constitution being written on the back of an Indian takeaway menu in crayon
4. After an accident in a tanning salon, BNP member Charlie "Bulldog" Popodopolous was forced to beat himself up and expel himself from the party
3. In a recently-filmed edition of TV's Most Haunted, genuine psychic Derek Acorah managed to channel the spirit of poor, dead BNP icon Winston Churchill. The great man's message for the nation as we reach a crossroads for the democratic process? "Tell that Nick Griffin he's a cunt"
2. The BNP's claim that "Britain is full" and should close its borders has been shown up as a sham, after it emerged that leader Nick Griffin has a spare bedroom that nobody uses
1. Much has been made of monocular BNP chief Nick Griffin's meeting with Ku Klux Klan chief David Duke. We are happy to confirm there was no racist motive involved in the get-together - Griffin was simply hoping to get cousin Daisy Duke's autograph and/or phone number
Bonus FACT: Study of the recently-leaked BNP membership list reveals that it is almost identical to the copy of the subscriber list of Goat Frotter's Monthly found tied to a recently frotted goat.Don't be a twat. Don't vote BNP.
Labels: BNP, FACTS, The BNP are twats